I long for more

"All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you." Psalm 38:9
I'm not where I want to be. I sigh. I long to be...more. I look back. I see I've begun the journey. In my "Courage to Change" book today the reading says, "I am not perfect, but I am excellent!" And that is just fine. Today is a new day. Tomorrow is a new year.

Spirit of wine

"Do not get drunk on wine, ... Instead, be filled with the Spirit," Ephesian 5:18
Wine is mentioned often in the bible. It is present during a wedding. It is present during the last supper. It is part of communion. Be filled with the spirit of God. Not drunk with the spirit of wine.

Worshiping wine

"You shall have no other gods before me." Deuteronomy 5:7

Is wine is worshiped? Worship; reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred., formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor and homage: They attended worship this morning., adoring reverence or regard: excessive worship of business success., the object of adoring reverence or regard. (Dictionary.com)

Sacred? "Can't wait for my wine tonight." "Nothing comes before my glass of wine." 

Formal, ceremonious? "Wine time", electric wine openers, crystal glasses, wine charms, special napkins...

Adoring reverence, excessive...

Do we pray as often as we drink wine?

God will not let her fall

"God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." Psalm 46:5
I will not fall. I read. I remember. God is within me. Each day is a new day. A day that God is here. Here to help. Here to keep me from falling. One day at a time.

Corruptible wine

"put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires" Ephesians 4:22

Wine corruptible? During the holidays wine is offered. A good host offers wine. Offers upon arrival. Offers with a meal. Offers again and again. Usually several types. A good guest brings wine. Often a red and a white. Purchased as a gift. Given as a gift. Accepted as a gift. Acceptable. Corruptible?

Do not be burdened again

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" Galatians 5:1
Appreciate. Stand firm. 

Clothed with strength

"Awake, awake! Clothe yourself with strength," Isaiah 51:9
Be awake. Be strong. Be alive. Feel it. It feels good. It is good. Especially after an illness. Or a struggle. I awake and clothe myself with strength. Thank you God that I can do this.

Be sober, Christ is coming

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."
"Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming."
Two translations. Both effective. Be alert. Ready for action. Be self controlled. Grace brought. And given. Christ revealed. Christmas is days away. Find Christ. Enjoy the grace to be given.

Have faith

“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:22-25
Faith. It all comes to this. Believing in God, Believing in myself. Loving God. Loving myself. Loving God is easy. Loving myself is difficult.

Faith will sustain you

"I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

I believe this. I do. Belief is not new to me. I have had faith since I heard the stories in Sunday school. It sustains me. Through the ups and downs of life. This has always been my up. My faith. I know He will carry me. Rescue me. But if I am able, I have to do the footwork.

Am I trying?

"Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress"
1 Timothy 4:15

I cannot see my progress. No one can see my progress. Am I making any? Am I trying? No. I am not diligent. I am not giving myself wholly. Do I really want to stop drinking wine? Do I really think it is  problem?

Difficult to be still

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14
Be still. So difficult. I can't be still. I can. I won't be still. Too much to do. Especially this time of year. So many tasks to do. Who can be still without a glass of wine? My friends agree. My coworkers agree. The TV commercials and shows agree. But I want him to fight for me. I want to be still. I want to do it without the wine. I need to be still.

It is not wise

"Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise." Proverbs 20:1
How clear is that from God? I cannot argue. Led astray speaks clearly. It is not intentional. A slow subtle shift that is not wise.

Unity

"How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!" Psalm 133:1
Yes this must be good. This is good. It is not always possible. No matter that we follow God. Some do not. Some do not want good. Do not want peace. Do not want unity. But I will not 'do more harm'. I will stay calm. I will be pleasant. I will feel God. I live in unity with God.

Grateful here with faith

"flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith" 1 Timothy 6:11-12
I'm grateful I have faith to hold on to. Grateful I have God to talk to. Grateful to have God to listen to. Grateful I can ask for help. Grateful to hope and believe things will get better.
Where would I be without faith if I am here with faith?

Love is the greatest

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 
Faith I continue to grow with. Hope I do. I am so blessed with Love. My children are the joy of my life. The thought of them fills my heart. They are the greatest thing. I thank God for them.

Stand firm with Him

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1
Do not be burdened. A yoke? Heavy. Restrictive. Oppressive. Slavery? Held captive. Dominated. Conquered. Not yet. I Stand firm. For freedom. With Christ.

Shaped by God, shaped with love

"...We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8

Today I made a meal that took me back to a time when I used to cook with love. Now it has become an unwelcome chore. I have changed. Today I realize how much. I have allowed someone else to mold me. I have allowed something else to shape me. I have been shaped by discontent. I want to cook with love. To be be molded with love. Worked by God. Work with God.

Self

"What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?" Luke 9:25
I want back to myself. Faith. Strength. They have been neglected. I lost myself to circumstances. Another's criticism and unhappiness. I knew I couldn't change it. Cure it. Cause it. In them. I forgot I could change it in me. 

No criticism

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord..."
Psalm 19:14
Words heard lately have been harsh. I hold my response. I think, that is good. This verse comes to mind. I know my words needed to be pleasing. I practice that. Even if others do not. Meditations of my heart? Wait. My thoughts must be pleasing too?!? No critical thoughts? Sign. Another thing to work on.

Discipline and understanding

"He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding." Proverbs 15:52
Or she who ignores it. Discipline. Failure. Disappointment. Another day. Despise? Less and less lately. Still working on admitting I am powerless. Gently steering in the right direction. Looking forward to understanding it all. I read that it comes; Crying Out Now.

Rejoice in a spacious place

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Psalm 31:7-8
Another day I wake and I am not where I want to be. But I am thankful. I began the day dealing with anger. Glad it was not mine. Glad I did not get angry in return. Glad it did not ruin my morning. I am working toward where I want to be. I rejoice in a spacious place.

Lead me God

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" Psalm 139:23-24
Search me and know my heart. I believe. Test me. How did it come to this? Know my anxious thoughts. I am worried. Offensive ways. Wine too often. Lead me. Show me a better way.

Choose well watered

"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden..." Isaiah 58:11
I wake up and my mouth is dry. A sun scorched land. Dry.  Bare. No growth. Not watered but wined.  A well watered garden. Full. Rich. Lush. Growing. I am determined.

Crazy, so don't judge me

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged..."
Matthew 7:1
Today one of my readings was on treating others the way we want to be treated. The Golden Rule. It was from my "Courage to Change" book. Yes...an Alanon book. In my readings online, groups, blogs, I see the negative comments. The one thing I've found discouraging. The judging about Alanon from AA members. I've been married to someone who drank too much way before I drank too much. So I've been an Alanon follower. As the song goes; Does make that make me crazy? ...probably. So I won't judge.

Dare to be rescued

"I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
This is something I would say to my children. Support. As a mom I give it freely. I encourage. When they have pain it hurts more than I ever imagined. I hold my children up. I want to do this. I love doing this. I want them to feel safe and secure. I want them to trust that I will help them. Why, then, is it so difficult for me to let my higher power do this for me? Can I do this? Do I dare? 

Moving forward

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43: 18-19
"Moving forward" is a favorite phrase of someone I know. I'm not always glad to hear it used. It usually signals the end of the discussion. Forget the former things sounds the same to me. End of discussion. God is telling me it's not to be discussed, debated, tossed around anymore. Do not dwell on it. Stop feeling guilty about it. Stop taking it back to ponder. Let it go. I'm not sure I'm glad to hear this. I have to remember; go forward without the guilt and try. One step at a time.

Wine engulfs me

"Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me, I am worn out calling for help..." Psalm 69:1-3
I dream about water. It closes in around my car. It comes up over the bridge I am on. I can't go forward. I can't get home. I drive in circles. I try to go around it. I open the door to the basement. Water is rising. I shut the door. I try to get away from it. I'm on a boat. I'm trying to get to dry land. I'm afraid. Water. Water. Water.  Or is it wine? Deep water. Deep trouble? Fear. I wake. I pray. I call for help. I try to go around it. I try to get away from it. It engulfs me. I am worn out.

Just Write

Evil wine

"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do..." 1 Peter 2:14-15
Can something so acceptable be evil? Wine? Evil? Even Jesus turns water to wine!

Life's direction

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life; and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14
Each day I am pleasantly surprised by these passages and how they speak to me. Simply stated directions for changing life. Living life.

Free flowing wine

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit..." Romans 14:17
I notice the wine in TV shows and commercials. Red wine. Large glasses. Poured freely. Open bottles on the table. Friends and family gathered around. Laughing. Smiling. No drama. No drunks.
I saw a show recently that was about addiction. Not to alcohol but prescription drugs. During the show the addict questioned a friend's bottle of wine a night. The friend was offended.

Peaceful and quiet life

"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers and intercession and thanksgiving be for made for everyone-...that we may live peaceful and quiet lives..." 1 Timothy 2:1-2
I long for peace. What must that be like? Most often when I pour a glass of wine, it is to distance myself from the unpeacefulness of another's drinking. I pray for this to be a day where peace finds me, a day that I don't need to look for it.

Just begin

"...let your light shine..." Matthew 5:16
Just let your light shine. I can do that. One simple step. I'm taking steps. Praying, reading, writing. One step at a time.
"All glory comes from daring to begin" Eugene F. Ware

Turn it over

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7
Last night I woke for my usual anxiety attack. I have friends who have told me of their same panic stricken, heart racing, body sweating mid night sessions. The hour or 2 or more of  head spinning with whys and what ifs and what didn't I get done yet dialogue. Not last night, not for me. I said "no more". I took a deep breath and turned it over to God. Then I took another deep breath and went back to sleep. When I woke up this morning I prayed, "please don't let me take it back!"

Joy

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

I woke this morning filled with joy and strength. I feel good. I feel happy. Amazing what a good night's sleep will do.

The good way

...Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, "we will not walk in it." Jeremiah 6:16

So simple, so clear. I know where the good way is. I want rest for my soul. Each morning I say today I will walk in it.

Plans? Prosper? Me?

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future... " Jeremiah 29:11
I wonder what plans? I want desperately for today to be a day that doesn't end with a glass of wine or 2. 

Another one for the day, from Courage To Change: "I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving" Oliver Wendell Holmes

Cry Aloud?!

"I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him  I tell my trouble." Psalm 142:1-2
I think -I do this, does it bring me mercy? Has my complaint been heard? I go back and reread. I don't do this. I don't cry "aloud."

But you would have none of it...

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." Isaiah 30:15
Do I ask for help? Do I pray? Do I turn it over? Do I reach my hands out? Not enough. Too often I will -have none of it. Do I trust my life to him? Do I pour a glass of wine instead?

Go in peace

Then the woman knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet...He said to her "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."  Mark 5:33 & 34

I want peace. I read the famous Redbook article. I relate to the comment one Mom made about being on a hamster wheel and not knowing how to stop. For me a glass of wine each night begins the slowdown. Then another. I can climb off the wheel. But maybe I need to find another way to cope. Or maybe I am just normal because I can't cope?